It can be
a really tough thing to go through particularly since (by it's
nature) it tends to follow some really fantastic physical and
emotional feelings. The terms themselves can give an idea of
how much of a change this feels like. Going from "sub space" where
your brain releases a myriad of pleasure chemicals like endorphins,
dopamine and oxytocin, to the point of "sub drop" where all of
those chemicals withdraw.
Just as with
any physiological condition, there are many different bits of
advice floating around about how to lessen or prevent it. Drinking
water before and after a scene is a great idea as it helps stem
dehydration. Having some sugar on hand, particularly chocolate,
helps keep the pleasure centre of the brain firing and keeps
the blood sugar levels up. Many people experience a change in
body temperature which can result in a slight to severe chill
so keeping a blanket, or something else warm, close by seems
to help. Some of my friends like taking a hot bath or drinking
tea to stave off the aches and chills. Since oxytocin feeds on
and is fed by touch; getting extra hugs, strokes, pets and any
physical contact is one of the best way to help lessen the effects.
Now, does
any of this reduce or prevent sub drop? It's almost impossible
to say for sure because one can't have a control group.
Each person
and experience is slightly different so there's no way of knowing
what could have been better or worse for one specific event.
But, since all of it definitely helps in physical ways, it's
all fantastic advice and definitely worth doing. With the added
benefit that it may very well help ease the chemical drop, there's
no real down side to making these part of the routine.
On the emotional
level, advice tends to centre around the connection with one's
partner. Obviously a physical connection is ideal if possible.
In cases where distance or daily life make physical contact impractical,
there are still some things that can help. Having a piece of
your partner's clothing around, or anything that smells like
them. Hearing their voice, even if it's just a recorded message.
Having tasks or rules set up as reminders of the connection and
relationship.
One of the
most frustrating parts of it for me is that there are times when
I don't get sub drop at all and there are times when my partner
and I have done everything we could think of, everything we usually
do, and it still hits me. I feel as though I did something wrong
by not preventing it. In the middle of it, that feeling adds
to all the other crappy feelings and contributes to a sense of
failure.
Some people
write a journal or scene report or review the scene verbally.
Personally,
I have a difficult time expressing my feelings at that point
because there is a lot of fear and anxiety in my brain. I also
have a some fuzziness that can make finding the correct word
challenging. In my case, I find going over things a couple of
days after drop is more productive because at that point, I can
be much more clear and I feel much more open and able to share
without the irrational fears.
I've heard
many people say that they don't experience drop; either that
they never have or that they've managed to get to a point where
they can prevent, control or cure it. I definitely experience
drop, to one extent or another, on a semi-regular basis but I'm
not the most experienced bunny in the hutch so I'm honestly not
sure whether there is a level of tolerance involved in this.
I don't know for sure whether there is a set of steps possible
for each individual and it's just a matter of finding the correct
combination. (Although, I know some very intelligent, self-aware
people who have been going through it for decades so I tend to
believe that may not be possible for everyone.)
